As a queer woman of color, I’ve come to realize that people often have perceptions of who I am before they get to know me, and as I recently discovered, sometimes before they even meet me. At times these perceptions are accurate, but more often than not they are incorrect. As a racially ambiguous person I accept that this is simply part of my life and I have become better at gently correcting those who misperceive me. More so, I realize that this happens to all of us, as it seems natural for humans to categorize. However, one can’t deny that historically raced bodies have been objectified and interpreted in unique ways. A recent experience reminded me not only of how I am perceived by others, but also how my experience reflects a history of silencing and objectifying women of color.

Before I finished my summer internship I was talking to one of my coworkers (Ben) that I became good friends with. Ben told me that one of our supervisors (Derick) warned him before I began that I might be African American, and he should therefore  tone down his language and behavior. My supervisor worried he might say something to offend me because Ben is a farm kid from Kansas and bluntly shares ALL of his thoughts. I found out from another co-worker (Lindsey) that our other supervisor (Pete) warned her and the rest of the interns that I might be a lesbian because of my involvement in LGBTQ groups at school. Again, this was a warning to watch the language in response to hearing someone use the word gay pejoratively. Pete also outed my supervisor Derick, who is gay, to the other interns before I arrived. Both supervisors made these assessments based off of my resume, as I had only spoken to them on the phone at that point.

After hearing this, I thought it was kind of funny, but mostly problematic. It’s funny because I am neither African American or a lesbian. My preferred label is a queer woman of color and to break it down even more for those who’d inquire I’d say that I’m a multiracial woman loving woman. It’s problematic because while I think my supervisors did this in order to protect me, they outed me without my permission (and incorrectly I might add). It’s also an example of not being a very good ally. I think it is great to develop a work place environment that is tolerant and respectful, but instead of responding when inappropriate or borderline comments were made, they  used me as the “teachable moment.”  In their actions, they only reinforced the idea of me being an “other.”

And if part of me is who I am perceived to be then who am I? black, lesbian, straight, brown, female, dyke? Someone who is tough, easy, available? The interpretations of my body are endless. The verbal assaults are on going as well.  I think the struggle to be seen as who I am is an upward battle and I often find myself disappointed even by people I highly respect. Where do these perceptions come from? Why is my body often so highly contested and misperceived?

Historically, raced bodies in this country, and more specifically female raced bodies, have been objectified and silenced through the creation of institutions such as slavery. In order to mask the immorality of slavery, one had to deny the humanity of slaves. In this way, slaves could be seen as animals, which translate into objects that can be controlled. It is in this way that female slaves were sexually exploited as well. The history of this kind of objectification, which allowed for the sale of raced bodies, instilled a curious notion that they could be controlled and silenced.

Specifically, I am thinking of Venus Hottentot. She was an enslaved South African woman who was taken around Europe by her owner to display her “unusual” body features. She was exhibited in the late 1700s because she had a large butt and labia. After she died her genitalia and brains were put on display in a museum in France.  In this case a private individual actually went through the act of “displaying” another human being as an object and received payment for this. Instead of gaining profit for selling her body as in slavery, the profit was gained by repeatedly displaying her. She became a spectacle that could be consumed by viewers, rather than an animal that would complete labor as in slavery. The distinction between these different kinds of sale point to a shift in how raced bodies were controlled. Supporters of slavery were able to justify its existence by denying the humanity of slaves.  However, by selling an image of a raced body, the owners of capital were able to control their metaphorical representation.

As a woman of color, I carry the history of these types of travesties and many of the roots resurface which result in    divergent interpretations of my body.   While many of the metaphors have changed and/or shifted, what still remains is the control over raced bodies.

author: coco